Sometimes life sucks. School has been going on for a few days and i see all these couples on campus and some of them are butt ass ugly and I think to myself, they can fucking find someone what is my god damn problem? i just don't understand. I still have feelings for my ex Mac but i know its over, but I see him all the time cause Ben and I are really really good friends and it hurts. Then i hear he is watching a movie with this girl Ben likes and my fucking heart drops... i need over him. Then their is Brian, the one guy I would do anything for. doesn't want a relationship or anything. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND HAVING A GUY. I'm so sick of being single and it just sucks.. ok im done ranting

I really should get better at these post things. But I guess once a month or more is alright cause by the time I go to type it all out, I forget!

Let's see. What has happened.... Not a lot since my last post, just finished up working and no one wanted me to leave. I'm not sure if it was because they really liked me or they really liked me doing all their damn work. Maybe a mixture of both! Anyways work was fun and I loved the people I worked with, wish I could have a job like that all the time.

I moved back to manhattan, its been fun. We play trivial pursuit a lot and take random trips to wal-mart when we are all drunk. Kind of a bad thing, but we always leave with very interesting items. Such as like 5 fish, a shark, an eel, and an oscar, and not to mention the Dora The Explorer pinata we got.

My friend Aimee and I also made a road trip a few days after I moved to Tulsa. Five hours down and Five hours back makes for a long day but it was very worth it. We went down to see our friend Emily who is paralyzed from the waste down. It has been a very rough summer with things like that, but seeing her made things so much better. It was hard though cause she couldn't do anything, but we hung out with her for 2 hours, watched her have physical therapy and I think just made her feel better. I grew up with her, my mom helped deliver her, so she is one of my best friends of all time. At times it was a little sad and Aimee and I had to fight back tears. We told her about the benefit fundraiser we are having for her the 29th, and she got tears in her eyes, then when we told her we were leaving she got tears again. It was hard but it made me feel 10 times better seeing her.

After that I left saturday for Table Rock, I should have known that day that somethign was going to go wrong within the next week. We got to Kansas City and met up with my other brother Dustin and his girlfriend Jodi. We were driving through the city and my car got really hot and the air conditioner stopped. So, we called Dustin and pulled over. There was nothing we could do besides drive on and watch it. It did a lot better once we got out of the city, and if we slowed down under 70 it heated up again. Driving 90 pretty much all the way down there was fun. Also on the way a bunch of people were ski diving and we saw one guy lose control and looked like he could of hit the ground and died from our view, but Dustin said from where they saw it, it looked like he got control right before he smacked into the ground. But we finally got to the cabins at like 6:30. We got in our swim suits and right on the lake. The rest of the time was kind of fun, tubing, water skiing, jet skis and jumping off cliffs. Also, went shopping and into Branson a lot. Def. quality time with the cousins and everyone else.

The disasters that happened there. Brad got left and couldn't go golfing with the boys cause "he didn't have the right shorts", Uncle Leigh pulled his hamstring and pretty much just drove the boat, he also jumped off the car and fell down before it stopped and aggravated it more, Aunt Lisa got bit by something that made her hand all swell up and she couldn't use it or anything for at least a day. Dustin pulled the muscle in his arm, Jodi claimed to pull her hamstring but I think she was just being a big pussy and didn't want to try to ski anymore. Dustin also asked Jodi to marry him, he waited till Thursday so it didn't total ruin the vacation. It's the smallest damn ring I have ever seen in my life, and it doesn't even fit. How romantic. Mine didn't all exactly happen there. My muscles kept tightening up so it was hard to do anything besides tube, but it was still hard to get back up on the tube after you fell off. So, I just drove the jet skis around.  I think I pulled a muscle in my neck but not sure. Also, Friday I started having ear pains and didn't know what was wrong, it kept getting worse. By Sunday it was so bad I couldn't even sleep on it. Mom said I had an ear infection but she said since the pain was so inbearable I should go to the hospital. I went and was there for like 5 hours. Finally the docs assistant came in and was talkin to me and looked at my ear and left really fast. Then the real doctor came in and told me that I have an ear infection for the record books and she would like to look at it. I thought this was odd but oh well. So she asked if it hurt and i was like yeah so she sticks the thing in and it hurt so bad I pulled my head away. Finally once she was done she said the inside of my ear is all blistered up and that they hadn't seen an infection like that before.

So, they gave me my medicine and told me to drink lots of fluids, like juice and water. And I had to avoid contact with people for at least 24 hours before the antibiotics kicked in. Can't swim till its fixed, and he told me I couldn't change pressure, or open and close the fridge a lot cause any kind of change like that could make it a lot worse and cause a lot more trouble. so, I locked myself in my room for a little over 24 hours. Sunday night I got 13 hours of sleep and finally today I'm feeling 50% better. Still can't hear very well out of it but I think it's finally getting better.

Well since this was such a long ass post I don't think I will have to post again for a few years. But anyways that was my summer.... Probably a bad one, 2 infections within a month. NEVER happens..... I might prepare myself for the rest of the year, WISH ME LUCK!

So, once again its been awhile and a lot has happened since the last update!

I went to another doctor and they said I had bicep tendonitis. Which is kind of like torn tendons but not quite! They took x-rays just in case and put me into physical therapy for 4 weeks 2 times a day. Then I went back to the orthopedic surgeon today and they cleared me. They did say there is still a small chance I could dislocate it somewhere down the line but don't really see it happening since I recovered so quickly.

Lets see whats my next line of business. I was car shopping but then decided today I will save my money and either buy a dog or have my tattoos fixed. I think I have almost made enough money this summer to do both so. Also, started moving stuff into the new house today and should move in for good in about a week or two. Whenever it is, it will be VERY soon!

I know theres a lot more but I can't think if it write now and I need to pluck my eyebrows so maybe you'll get another update quicker then usual. Later!

Alright heres my update... I had to go to ANOTHER doctor today for my leg.  which is another story. We had a team in the 48 hour softball tournament and we were all so drunk the whole weekend i have no clue how any of us left Dodge on sunday without any kind of tickets. Anyways part of the story was that i slid twice during the tournament and my leg got cut up pretty bad. I thought all was healing well till like thursday or friday and these lil pimple type things appeared and itched. Nobody had any idea what it would be, not even my mom. So, today she says if its not better she is sending me to a doctor. Well while working i went to walk upstairs and my leg was really tight and felt like there was a band around it. So i called my mom and she said it sounded like an infection and everything was tightening up. So i went to the doc at 230 and sure enough the back of my right thigh is all infected. So now i get to take antibiotics for a week. I told my mom with all the problems i had this summer id hate to see what kind of shape im in when I'm my dads age.

Another thing that happened was that this stupid ass mexican tried fighting me. Their team talked shit the ENTIRE game and I was getting fucking pissed. Also REALLY drunk, but anyways they won the game and continued to talk shit. So we were up by our cars and this lil mexican was yelling shit and i was yelling back so she comes at me, well her entire team is holding me back from getting to her ands he reached aorund her DAD and slaps me. I decided now if my dad was holding me back I coulda got a hit in too. But i was going to hit her but it took like 4 guys on our team to hold me back. Today one of them told me if they would of let me go they thought i would of demolished her cause she wasnt very big. Ithink she was the size of my thigh so. We also decided she wasnt over 18. But anyways after she hit me this cop that wasn't on duty came up to break the shit up and he called the cops on them cause he saw her hit first so I was like yeah I was shit faced but still smart enough to know not to hit first! The cop was on our side cause I guess i was yelling a bunch of mean stuff about mexicans when they ewre leaving and he laughed and agreed with me so. But anyways there is my summer up to speed... hope you enjoy it jess cause your the only one that reads!!!

well another 5 years has passed so I figured it was time to update again, although no one really pays attention to this but gives me a chance to ramble and get things off my mind!!

Summer started off great, I was with mac and was finally happy with a guy. Then things slowly went south and i ws really upset about it. I talked to jess and she made me realize a lot of shit, what would i do without her?? So I decided to tell him since I like and care for him so much I'll wait around for him to figure shit out. Well its been like 3 weeks now, and I'm getting sick of his shit. The other day he called and I didn't feel like talkin cause I was in a lot of pain (another story) so we takled for like 10 min and he hung up.. and the next day I sent him a message and was like if you truely care what is wrong with me you will call.. He never called, and just kinda kept blowing me off and shit, which was pissing me off. And finally today on Sunday I told myself not to send him any text messages or call, and maybe he will come around. It's now 11:11 and I have not had any contact with him, which kinda makes me feel good cause he hasn't upset me by ignoring me or anything today. So I've come to conclusion I'm going on with my life and if he cares and all that good shit he knows how to find me. But for now on I'm going to live my life how I want too.

Now for work.. WHO CAN SAY THEY GET PAID $8/PER HOUR TO PULL FUCKING STAPLES, THATS RIGHT I CAN!! Thats my job, friday I pulled staples for 8 hours, with an hour lunch break. I work with some cute boys, that have talked about getting beer into where we work so I got it fucking made! But looks like I'll be pulling staples for the next week or so, once I am done with that I can start throwing papers onto the scanners and putting them into the electronic filing system. I'm actually kind of a big deal cause I'm helping the company clean up all their storage space and helping this world save paper by doing this. Sad thing is I won't get it all done before I go back to school for the summer because their  are that many boxes and that many more staples to be pulled. Someday I'll be sure to take a picture of my box of staples and rubberbands I have done. All of you would be so proud!

Now the other story. I decided I was going to get into shape and looking good for when the family goes to Table Rock. So, I have been running and last monday I started lifting weights after work. So, me and my cousin were in the weight room, and I wasn't lifting hardly all that much weight cause I haven't done it forever. Well we heard something pop but we didn't think anything of it cause my arms and legs are so screwed up anyways. So, the next day we did legs, and wednesday was suppose to be arms but i hurt so bad I decided to do legs and work more on abs. Plus I lift boxes at work so I can pull the staples so I have done a lot of lifting this summer. Well thursday I just laid in bed with ice on my shoulder all day, and Friday I kept complaining to mom and she told me to take advil 4 times a day and ice it. So, I went to bed with a bag of broccoli on my shoulder cause mom said it would fit more to my shoulder then a tiny ice pack, so she came in and got it. Well the next day we were having a garage sell and mom broke her foot so she is in a wheel chair and I could only use one arm cause the other one hurt so bad and she thought it was weird where I had the ice cause she thought it was the muscles in my back and realized something might actually be wrong since its the front of my shoulder. So she had me call the clinic in greensburg and get an appointment. So I go see the NURSE PRACTITIONER (SPELLING) and she had been in the ER all night so she was trying to limit her patients. The receptionist, and nurse all thought I should have x-rays but she just takled to me and made me lift my arms which brought tears to my eyes and they could tell it hurt. So she tells me I tore my tendons, but it was just small and I should rest it for 6 weeks. Doesn't give me a sling or anything... And tells me to take aleve and some other shit can't member the name. Well my mom thought it was weird she didnt give me a sling or anything. And said if its not better in 6 weeks I have to start physical therapy, which nother thing she didnt get.

So, tonight I go to my aunts and my gma thinks I should go to an orthopedic surgeon cause she didn't think this allsounded right (shes also a nurse) and my uncle had the same thing happened and the only way to fix it was surgery. So I takled to my mom about it and I haveto go see a real doctor as soon as I make the appointment. So, for now, when I have jeans on my hand sits in my pocket all day so that I don't move it, and if I have shorts on I have to train myself not to use it

This is just my summer SO FAR!! And I'm not even looking forward to my birthday cause it seems everything hasn't been going my way at all.... So I know this is a long post, but you probably won't get another one till probably july or august... So enjoy people who actually read it!!!